But I don't think that has exactly happened seeing that I only vent out things that are fustrating me. Then again, it's not like anyone actually reads these blogs right?
I'm up really really late once again, I just don't want to sleep; this is starting to be a horrible habit.
It's almost 3:00 A.M.
Recently, I don't think I've been sad or depressed. As a matter of fact, I'm feeling a little better I would think. However, I'm just so pissed at myself for doing things, thinking things, and also saying things that I felt should have came out differently.
During the three weeks of bliss in April, I kept questioning everything. I was way too negative for no reason. And what now? Things are much worse than they could ever be. I can't believe I actually thought and felt everything would just fall apart.
I wish I was more patient and just didn't assume things. This one specific event I'm referring to I believe will haunt me for quit a while. Now that I look back, just believeing in myself could have ended up with different results. Would I be like this right now? Probably not.
Lastly I can't believe that I was so selfish in a way to you. Telling you things like that and just letting you down as a friend. No words can even explain the things I remember and the feeling that it evokes; so I just won't say anything.
These things get me so angered, what made me foolishly do these things? After the anger passes tears start to drown my eyes because looking back now, I've realized how horrible I've been to you.
I don't know how I can describe this anymore so I'll just end here today.
Lyrics of the day, from still one of my favorite song Gambler by Claude Kelly.
Looking for an answer, wondering whats wrong with me
Why do I run away from the best thing in my life
and also:
I wonder if it's true what my heart keeps telling me
Maybe I'm my own worst enemy
It's okay, you're an average teenager afterall. (:
ReplyDeleteI wonder who that is.
ReplyDelete