I'm drinking ginger ale. And it's really late at night.

It's 3:30 AM, dead at night.

First off, I'm not even sure if anyone would ever feel this way so it's a bit odd that I would feel this way.

I have a friend who I used to be really close to although we don't talk anymore. I'm pretty sure that person absolutely hates me now, but it's funny.

Even though I might be disliked, deep down in my heart, I feel like I would still be there for that person. If they were in any type of trouble, I would honestly try my best to help them. I feel as if I owe a favor that I can never repay; or rather an apology. However, I know the chance to ever tell him/her about this will never come. It's rather disappointing that we don't talk anymore because that person is still dear to me, deep down. I undestand it's quite weird that I can possibly feeling this way considering that person hates me now, but still.

I'm a big believer of "sacrifice". No, not the sacrifice often linked with religion but rather putting time and effort into something one would want to achieve. I believe that if one were to put enough time and effort, almost anything is possible. I guess that's the reason why when i desire soemthing, I try my heart out. I would go beyond any possible lengths to achieve that goal.

But then there are times where I wonder, why do I even bother? I could be wasting my time completely trying to reach for something that is well, unreachable. But m dedication always shows, and I end up putting up a last endeavor, and usually it doesn't go quite well.

Recently I've realized I can't write. It's like I don't have any motivation to write poems or anything. And when I do write one, it just seems so immature in a way; something a sixth grader would write.

But whatever, here's one I wrote that sort of relates to what I meant by "sacrifice"

i told myself, for you i will

though to this moment i've stood still

contridicting what i said before

every word that promised i'd do more

to fight the bad feelings, lift my head high

to stop looking upon the all that's wrong in life

but something so critical can bring me so down

and in the next moment that smile turns into a frown

i think to myself, why, WHY am i so weak?

it seems every promise i make to myself i can't keep

but i told myself for you i will

so i'll strive for that goal until it's filled.

Today's lyrics are from Say by John Mayer

Walking like a one man army

Fighting with the shadows in your head

Living up the same old moment

Knowing you'd be better off if you could only

Say what you need to say.

Have no fear for giving in

Have no fear for giving over

You better know that in the end

It's better to say too much, than to never say what you need to say again