Well, there's a time for giving up.

I find that one of the hardest to do is wanting to give up on a goal or something.

Sometimes I feel so discouraged, like all hope is lost and I just want to completely give up what I've been striving for. It's like a feeling of disparity when you realize perhaps all hope is really gone.

I realize that I really hard for a lot of things but all my effort seems futile. Maybe a month later or something I just realize maybe this is stupid. There's no reason to continue trying if I'm going to fail anyways. Things like that get me really down. It's stupid, I know.

But then I think and think, and I see that honestly, I still have a slim glimmer of hope. I wonder if I should keep trying, I mean, miracles do happen. Then, I realize that I haven't done what I promised to do when I began on this "journey". And the last thing I want to do is to disappoint myself again.

But no, I think to myself I should just get over this. It's stupid, pointless, and most importantly hopeless. So I decide, I'm giving up. There's always a time for giving up.

Who am I kidding?

I know myself too well, even IF I tell myself that I'm done, completely given up on something, I won't stop pursuing it. I'll continue to put effort and think about it. That's just simply my weakness, I can't put closure on anything I really should. It's as if I need a complete rejection to my face, saying NO, you've failed. Then, perhaps, I can move on.

What makes everything harder is the fact that I know I try my heart out for the things I want. I give it my everything, i sacrifice whatever, and go through anything it takes as an attempt to reach my goal. And just thinking about all of that, and giving it all up? It's not a great thought.

And you know what really sucks? To realize that perhaps you're not as important to someone you as you thought you might have been. That maybe you were just there, but at the same time, a ghost. And they don't remember a single thing about you, or they simply just don't care.

Today's lyrics are from You and Me by Lifehouse

One of the things that I want to say, just aren't coming out right

I'm tripping in words, you got head spinning

I don't know where to go from here

Today's a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go.

Junior year will commence tomorrow and I don't know if I'm excited or scared.

I'm scared because of all the possiblities. I could end up doing horrible in school, something might happen with friends, or soemthing else starts to bother me. A lot.

Who knows, maybe it'll be like Sophomore year again, because right now, it sure seems like yet another repeat. But I don't want it to be; I don't want a rerun of Sophomore year.

Oh, and I'm scared of disappointment.

On the other hand, I'm excited for all the things that CAN happen. Maybe I'll have amazing teachers, maybe I'll have very few problems with friends, or instead of something bothering me, it'll just be good fortune coming my way. Just thinking about all the possiblities gets me really excited.

But then I just sink myself back into reality and realize that none of those things have happened yet.

I believe this year will be very pivotal.

I wish everyone who's starting school, Good Luck.

Today's lyrics are from one of my all-time FAVORITE, Stolen by Dashboard Confessionals

We watch the season pull up it's own stakes.

And catch the last weekend, of the last week.

Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced.

Another sun soaked season, fade's away.

You have stolen my heart

You have stolen my heart

Invitation only, grand farewell.

Crash the best ones, of the best ones.

Clear liquor and cloudy eyed

Too early to say good night.

You have stolen my heart

You have stolen my heart

And from the ballroom floor we are in celebrations.

One good strech before our hibernation

Our dreams assured, and we all

Will sleep well, sleep well.

Sleep well.

Sleep well.

It just keeps getting in the way.

So now I'm standing at this point once again

Problems like this, it just never seems to end

But this isn't anything new

I may not like it, I'm utterly confused

And when the world seems to be teasing

Temptation is so wild, the results could be appeasing

Now my whole world is raining with tears of confusion

Is what I'm thinking of all an illusion?

But I swear when you're here, by my side

It lifts all the dark clouds from the sky

So can you wipe my tears of confusion

This all seems like a sequal number two

Just trying to get to you

Maybe, that's the right thing to do

You know, the thing the call confessions, telling the truth

Thought about it, but I said no

There's just too many things in the way so

Now my whole world is raining with tears of confusion

Is what I'm thinking of all an illusion?

But I swear when you're here, by my side

It lifts all the dark clouds from the sky

So can you wipe my tears of confusion

Well, there's my poor attempt of a written song; highly inspired by In The Way by Ne-Yo

Yes, I know it's horrible but I just had to write something, I was dying to.

Lyrics today are from Gibberish by Ryan Leslie

Time is running out, please don't make me wait

I'm all alone, I'll stab a day.

Lost and love a ghost, Lost all alone

It's another lost one, you stay gone.

Pushed on a wall, hit in the face

I don't wanna go, I'll stab a day

Lost and love a ghost, I'll stab a day

I'll take you, I'll take you on a date

I'm telling, I'll take you, I'll take you on a lovely date, a lovely date

and I'll take you, I'll take you on a day date

and it's a lovely day, a lovely day, a lovely day.

Lyrics

You know what? I get so mad at myself when I look at other songs. If i like a song, the first thing I look up is pretty much the lyrics. I try to comprehend what the song means because I feel lyrics can tell so much and can evoke a different mood depending on what the songwriter.

Now when I look at songs like Crush by David Archuleta, I just wonder to myself why can't I write something like that? It's so simple, it's about a crush, yet the words and meaning seem so perfectly smelted together to create this song.

The meaning of the song is straightfoward, no twists or turns. I could have easily thought about how having a crush feels like. But no, I can't write something like that.

Then the next song, A Little Too Not Over you by David Archuleta. Yet another relatively simple and easy song, it's about a guy, persumably, who can't get over a past lover. How much more simple can it get? I can sure think of emotions and thoughts about getting over someone, but I would never be able to put it all into a song. No, I can't.

Some songs are a bit hard to comprehend, especially older songs (classics). Like Scar Tissue by RHCP, I didn't get what the song meant at all until I serached it up on google. Songs like that I can understand why I can't just write out of the blue

But cmon, songs like Crush? I should be able to write that in a second.

One day I just want to write something that is actually good, not like any of the crap I've written so far. Something simple like Crush. Or even simpler songs like Trouble by NeverShoutNever!

I always can't seem to get the words out of me when I want to write a poem or song. There's always things I want to say but I can't seem to dictate them in a eloquent fashion. Esepcially recently, everytime I write, I think it's horrible and I delete it. Then I try to make it as perfect as possible to convey my thoughts but I'm never satisfied with my own work.

And when I listen to a song like crush, I just wonder, "WHY COULDN'T I HAVE DONE THAT?"

Today's lyrics, Seasons of Love from the musical Rent

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

Five hundred twenty-five thousands moments so dear

Five hundred twenty-five six hundred minutes

How do you measure, measure a year.

In daylights, in sunsets

In midnights, in cups of coffee

In inches, in miles

In laughter, in strife.