I took my bruises, took my lumps.

Fell down and got right back up.

I'm going to be going on a haitus for a while on this blog. There's really no reason that stands that which resulted in me taking a break.

I guess I don't see the point of this blog anymore because I'm basically typing to myself. Besides, I can't even name specific names on this in case someone does read it.

Well, right now, I'm actually feeling a bit down again. I don't know, sometimes I don't know who my friends are. That person who I thought was a friend has me questioning at times because of his or her motives. What is up with people these days?

I'm also feeling a bit pissed off because of various reasons which once again are too complicated to even attempt to explain; what's the point?

I really like the title of this blog because from when I first started, I kept taking bruises, and I kept getting hurt. Now that I'm done, I've pretty much gotten up even though things still aren't perfect.

Finally, I can't seem to wirte anymore. Everytime I try to write a poem it comes out for a couple of lines and I just can't seem to carry on. I don't know what's wrong; perhaps I'm trying to be too perfect. But I just have all these thing I want to say in my writing, argh.

This is very fustrating.

Today's lyrics will be from Beautiful by Eminem; it's quite long.

I'm just so fucking depressed, I just can't seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump, but I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps, fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up, in order for me to pick the mic back up
I don't know how or why or when I ended up in this position I'm in
I'm starting to feel distant again, so I decided just to pick this pen
Up and try to make an attempt to vent but I just can't admit or come to grips
With the fact that I may be done with rap, I need a new outlet
And I know some shit so hard to swallow, but I just can't sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow, but I know one fact: I'll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow, I'll be one tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow, but you'd have to walk a thousand miles...

In my shoes, just to see, what it's like to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes, just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine, go inside each other's minds
Just to see what we'd find, look at shit through each other's eyes

P.S. I might update once in a while to post meaningful lyrics but I won't really be back to "blog"

Haitus starting now.

Is anyone out there willing to listen?

Ack, I've been feeling pretty down recently. Not a whole lot but just a little.

And with this I wish, I want to tell people about it but at the same time I feel like I can't because I know it won't solve anything. But everyday when something relates to it, I'm really bothered.

I feel at times, I always have my chances but I never take advantage of them, leading to results like these. Sometimes my hardest effort isn't exactly what others would consider "hard"

So honestly, is there anyone left out there willing to listen?

Also, I've also recently began dwelling on the past, but something different this time.

I really wish I had a second chance with this and wow, the things I did before were idiotic.

Aghh, wow honestly I can't even imagine myself doing it now. Damnit. Fuck.

I feel like I could have gotten it to work now, honestly, or else improved my chances. And If only they knew the things I did because of them.

Love is so hard to come by.

I don't expect it for the entire Junior year to be honest. I just can't imagine it.

And to me, when I like someone, depending on the person I like or dislike myself for liking them. Because what IF they're your friend and you don't want to lose them. You know that they probably don't like you back, but yet you like them. At the same time you want to let go of them but you can't because that would ruin the friendship.

But then there are the times where you've met someone new you're intrested in. Those are the moments where love seems much more appealing.

What good is a heart if there aint no love in it?

There's a certain person... that's dear to my heart but at the same time I want to cut my connection from them sometimes; for various reasons. I don't know what to do.

I wonder what I truly am to them...

Lyrics for today are from I Hate Love by Claude Kelly

Cause I hate good byes.

I hate these tears in my eyes

I hate myself for the way I feel about you everytime

I've had enough

I'm sick of wishing you was around me every day, every night, it's way too much

I hate love.

I hate love.

Frustrated

Your voice is the soundtrack of my summer

Do you know you're unlike any other

You'll always be my thunder

Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors

I won't ever want another

You'll always be my thunder, so bring, on the rain. Bring on the thunder.

I'm really frustrated about something.

There's a certain person that I feel sometimes I get along with so well, but at other times that person seems annoyed and mad at me. When that happens, I don't know what to do; I just get all frustrated at myself and start to think. Like honestly, at time it's like I'm there for their enjoyment when they're bored. I don't know what to think or do.

But then again, maybe it's really nothing and in reality it's nothing big.

Some people tell me I'm an awkward person, but I don't know how I am. And when I'm told that I just get so mad an frustrated because being an "awkward person" isn't good; nobody likes to be awkward... I don't even think my actions make me awkward anymore.

Argh, don't you hate it when you want to get to know someone but you can't? At the same time you're also nervous. Hateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Infatuations (i think this is one) sucks.

Last thing, I recently hard a lot of things about a certain someone (not the same person mentioned above) and I actually believe it. Sigh, if only I heard about it a couple months back.

I was naive.

And to that person's next victim, watch out. He/She is not who you might think they are.

If you don't believe, then I hope it gives you hell.

But other than those things, I'm really happy now :D, I feel great. Summer hasn't been the torture I predicted. Rather, I'm enjoying it. I've gotten closer to some people, made some progress, got a guitar, and I'll be prepared for the SATs.

Today's lyrics actually took some debating. I was considering between They Don't Really Care About Us, The Show, Beautiful, and Doushite Kimi Wo Suki Ni Natte Shimattan Darou.

But I'll go with The Show

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle, life is a maze, and love is a riddle

I don't know where to go, can't do it alone, I've tried

and I don't know why

Slow it down, make it stop, or else my heart is going to pop

Cause it's too much, yeah it's a lot.

To be something that I'm now

I'm a fool, out of love. Cause I just can't get enough

Who the hell cares right? (:

Because I sure don't anymore!

Ahaha, I completely give up about caring about it anymore. It's a waste of time and I realized everything before; I took too seriously. I live fine with or without.

Hm, I hope though, that not too many things are being given away by that person to another person... But I think it's inevitable, blah. So stupid...

And I really want to say these lyrics to this one person, it's from Gives You Hell by the All-American Rejects :

and truth be told i'll miss you, and truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell.

When you walk my way hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell

If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well, then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell.

Now you'll never see, what you've done to me.

You can take back your memories they're no good to me.

And here's all your lies, you can look me into the eyes.

With the sad sad look that you wear so well...

Holy crap, I seriously hope it gives you hell...

I really really want to learn the guitar and be good at it. I've had one lesson at my friend Brian's house and I really liked it. I think the first song I'll try to master is Hey There Delilah or Your Call.

I've got Wake Me Up When September Ends somewhat down :D. Now all I need is to buy one and practice every single day for at least an hour. I am dedicated, perhaps more than anything I thought I would be.

Another thing I would love to learn is Korean because it sounds amazing in the Korean love songs/ballads. Ahhhhh....

Today's lyrics are from a Korean song called Hug by DBSK

Haruman nibangui chimdaega dwegoshipo
Do dasuhi pogunhi nae pume gamssa ango jaeugo shipo
Aju jagun dwichogimdo noui joguman sogsagime
Nan ggumsogui gwemurdo I gyonae borir thende

Naega obnun noui haru oddohge hulloganun gonji
Narur ormana saranghanunji nan nomuna gunggumhande
Noui jagun sorab sogui irgijangi dwego shipo
Ar su obnun noui gubimirdo
Nae mamsoge damadullae no mollae

I want to be the bed in your room just for a day

I want to make you go to sleep comfortably

Warmly in my arms

For you I'd win over all your problems and all your busy errands

I would even win agaisnt the monsters in your dreams

I wonder a day without me

How do you pass them by?

How much you really love me? I'm so curious of it

Your diary in your small drawer, I want to become it

I want to put all your secrets in my heart, no knowing.