Better.

Read the title of this blog and yes read it over and over.

Finally, things have gotten much better. Finally I feel as if my life has been brightened. 

Finally.

One thing I find quite ironic is that the name of my blog is "life of an average teenager"

I always thought I was quite average, nothing more, nothing less. But I do find it weird how I'm treated differently to many people. Things that people do to me wont be done to someone else.

So I guess perhaps I'm not that average afterall huh?

How I would love to keep you here oh baby.

Oh yes, the things I would do just to keep you here.

I got sick around two days ago after I came back from playing basketball, so now I'm sick in every aspect.

Emotionally, physically, and also mentally. How much worse can my life get? 

Its been a whole two weeks since the incident and over a month since I finally got an answer.

This is hell at its best, not any of Dante's stupid circles of Inferno. No, this is much worse.

I admit, I really do lack patience. I have flaws but what can I do about that? Maybe if I had a bit more patience in the many things that have happened, I wouldn't be like this.

Too late for that now.

Nothing will repair and I guess i'll have to syndicate myself back. 

I'm almost ready to migrate myself to the seventh circle of Dante's circles of Hell, round two.

It's a mad world.

So just yesterday i was watching American Idol out of boredom, and I heard this song called "Mad World" sang by Adam Lambert.

I searched up the song on youtube, looked up the lyrics, and thought it was absolutely brilliant.

"I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad, the dreams that in which im dying are the best I've ever had"

Those words spoke to me like no other, it describes exactly what I'm going through right now.

All of those things I remember were probably one of the happiest moments I ever had. And now thats its all gone, its quite ironic how some of my most treasured memories are killing me like this.

The first lines of the song states "All around me are familiar faces" which is amazingly true for me too.

Everyone around me so familiar yet its as if I don't even know them anymore. I'm isolated from them.

How Can I Be Vindicated?

2:30 AM.

So here I am, once again still up at 2:30. Except whats different about this night? I'm not talking to the one person I would almost always be talking to at around this time.

What happened? One simple misunderstanding from a joke to a serious insult.

Redemption, that is what I need right now; more importantly a vindication. I can't believe its been one whole week, how have I lived through this?

I miss it so much.

Yes I miss you, the one person who would always listen, who was there for me, who always signed off saying "feel better" when i felt like shit. I felt like I've been a bad friend at times, and I still hope you're willing to give me another chance. You're definatly one of the people I always come back to.

Unexpected but I miss you also. Always so happy and cheerful, I don't think I've ever really seen you sad or annoyed. You're always in a good mood with the LOL and LMAOs. I miss the laughter and the carefree you.

Now you, what is there to say ? I've dealt with quite a lot of friend problems but this is unique. I miss the talking, the calls, and most importantly the great times we had. Even though you feel like you can't forgive me, I still hope you will because I care. 

However, I can't believe I've sacrificed so much...How many things have I done for you?

And you're still unable to forgive me on such an excusable argument? I can't believe it.

Perhaps I'll let the senses come to you, I'll wait it out. 

Unfortunately I've done all I can to make reparations; yet nothing is back to normal. It's about time I see some results for something I actually care and sacrifice for. I'm tired of sacrificing and coming up empty, no results.

Friends ?

So what exactly are friends and what do you do when you realize youre falling apart with one?

Recently, I've dealt with a very hard problem. I don't think he or she realizes that she isn't hurting only one person, but two.

In the end, I don't think I've done anything wrong, all of this was out of the blue. Do I think I might have a reason? I have a few ideas, but none of them are really things people should get mad for or shut off all communcation on. 

So, I've been thinking and thinking, what should I do? 

I don't really want to break the ice considering the fact I didn't do anything wrong. But then again, he or she is quite stubborn so I doubt they would make the first move.

I guess the only choice I have left is try to talk it out, or just let this friendship come to an end.

What do I do?

So what now?

What do i now? I'm lacking in Guidance. What is there to do when you've lost three, perhaps even four friends?

Either they're mad at you for something you've done, or they just find you plain irritating out of nowhere. Everytime I try to do what I think is right, it ends up turning out horribly wrong. I just can't take this anymore, I'm SICK of my life.

I can already feel it, EVERYTIME is slowly tearing apart. I guess what she said was true, next year, I'll probably be wondering what I did sophomore year. Who were you?

I don't want it to be like that. But what can I do? I'm done apologizing for things I'm not responsible for, or at least things where I've felt I haven't done any wrong. Someone, anyone help me. I don't think I can take this much longer.

It hurts everytime I see them two. 

"Life is like a roller coaster ride. Once you've reached the highest, most exhilarating point everything comes crashing down"

I guess this is the life of an average teenager huh?

Welcome to my Life

The start of today has already been complete bullshit.

Its amazing how some people make the most retarded excuses ever such as "Hey I can't go and meet up with you guys because the weather is bad", while outside its completely sunny and in the 70s. If you don't want to go, just tell them, its not hard at all. And even if that was the weather before, the weather now is completely fine so JUST GO.

I don't care if the person doesn't want to go, thats up to them, but at least give a valid reason. Besides, saying you're going to a party then just saying nevermind is one of the most messed up things to do, so why do it?

I'm really tired of being the one apologizng all the times, because sometimes, I'm not even doing anything and guess what, I end up apologizing. And I only do it becuase I hate losing friends.

Aditionally, no one is ever going to take my side, so why bother arguing?

Sometimes I wish people cut me some slack and understood me.

To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark.

To be kicked, when you're down, to feel like you've been pushed around.

To be on the edge of breaking down and no ones there to save you.

No you don't know what its like, Welcome to My Life.

So the blogging begins

Here I am, my first Blog! I'm quite excited to get started on this actually, I've been wanting to start one for a while now.

So just a little about me, my name is Kevin Hong, obviously I'm a male. I attend Bayside High School located in NYC, Queens. I am currently fifteen years old(as I am writing this that is)

My favorite color would definatly be Blue, everyone who sees me should know THAT.

On to todays events!

Today was quite hectic, seeing as tomorrow I have a birthday party to attend to and convincing SOME people to go was insane. Overall, I think I'm looking foward to tomorrow though!

After school, I had to go to Barnes and Nobles to get a copy of Dante's Inferno, which I am currently reading in my English class (which I dislike). It seems very boring throughout the first couple of pages I have read so far.

Sometimes I really wonder what I'm supposed to do; are the decisions I'm making correct? Should I be doing something else? And honestly, I think too much for my own good, causing me to bring myself down sometimes, I really need to stop.

But I'll try to control it.