Gotta Love Christmas

The one year I decide to get into the Christmas spirit. The one year I try to do the whole present fiasco. The one year I actually bothered to tell more than five people "Merry Christmas" turns out to be the worst Christmas ever.

I think I'm done with Christmas.

I Can't Hate You Anymore

I'm really mad at myself.

Having a revelation out of whim is just so hectic.
Having impressions about someone I really cared about completely changed doesn't really help. It's times like these when I look back and I call myself idiotic. Blinded by the obvious, now regretting the obvious
Even after how much I convinced myself that I was the good guy, trying to do good, there still is a small twinge in my heart to forgive. I guess hearing the truth really does help soften a heart.
It's funny. From feeling extremely nostalgic to being revealed the truth, it seems like everything was a buildup.
To the person this concerns, I owe you big time.

Little too late now? Who knows

Man In The Mirror - Michael Jackson

I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere
To Go
That's Why I Want You To
Know

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change

Some Mad Hope

Yeah really. Some mad hope.
I don't know why but that album name just really caught my attention.
Oh and the album contains the song I heard earlier at a Japanese food place. I'm quite glad I managed to find it.

I think I give decent advice.

My friend recently broke up with her boyfriend. During lunch she was crying like there was no tomorrow. I haven't been in exactly the greatest mood recently but I still felt horrible that she was there crying - over a relationship.
I couldn't really do much. I'm not super close to this person nor do I know what exactly happened in the relationship.
So I got up, took my pack of napkins from my bag, and gave it to her. Then I told her that it wasn't worth it.


I guess she took those words into her heart. She was feeling much better the next day and she even said I was right. It really isn't worth it.
I'm glad I made someone feel better. I guess the funniest part is I can cheer someone up even though I'm not feeling so great myself.
And I guess the saddest part is the fact that I don't take my own advice.


I never realized how many people hide behind the tears of a clown. In other others, many people put on a fake smile. Deep down inside one might be feeling miserable.
However on the outside they seem to be fine and perfectly joyful.
But hey, kudos to them for being able to keep it in like that.

I recently heard a new song by Elliot Yamin called This Step Alone
Everything in this song relates to one of my relationships with a dear friend. Listening to some of these lyrics really stood out to me cause well... it mirror images the situation
"I saw us break, I watched us fall, it made no sense to me at all"
"Then we'd choose to go our separate ways instead of meeting us half-way. And if I had to choose girl, I'd have you by my side"
"I've been waiting for your mind to change cause it feels so one-sided"
In my heart of hearts, I always knew, this jump was way too far for you"

Freshmen Logic

Freshmen are really really getting on my nerves this year.
Ever heard of the term freshmen logic? If you haven't, well now you have. Don't know what it is? I'll explain.
Freshmen all come in as a naive bunch of kids. They're reckless and still carry much of their Junior High School habits. I don't want to stereotype them and it should be understandable that the majority of them lack common sense and maturity. After all, they are only what? Fourteen years old?
Let me give you an example.

Freshmen are WAY TOO COMPETITIVE.
We were doing the pacer test in gym and its understandable that everybody wants to achieve a high score. However, I don't see the need to kill yourself just to run two more pacers than your friend. These freshmen? Man they were talking about this pacer test since the second week of school. Not to mention they competed in everything, sit-ups and push-ups. It was hell having to listen to them bicker about fruitless topics considering I sit extremely near them.
Freshmen are IMMATURE!
Okay, this is understandable. They're immature, they're young. But seriously I'd expect even a freshmen to not whine about something so stupid.
Our gym teacher told us to assign numbers to our group members. Therefore, I started counting from one to seven. I told a girl she was five. Guess what?
"NO BUT I WANT SEVEN"
Seriously now? You want seven? Well I don't give a damn because it doesn't matter if you're seven or not. I just stared at her like WHAT THE FUCK.
Seriously freshmen piss me off.
I acknowledge that I'm a "upper class men" and all Juniors and Seniors feel this way.
Wrong, I had a lot of freshmen friends who are now sophomores. There's nothing wrong with them. Who knows, maybe its just this years bunch.

I got sick on Friday and missed youthcan. I felt horrible, I was sure I was going to come down with a huge fever.
Oddly enough, I didn't have much of a fever, just a cold and fatigue. I felt horrible on Saturday but by night time I felt muchhhh better. On sunday I felt practically fine except a little tired and the typical cold symptoms. Quite odd, I usually get fevers if I get a cold.

Today's lyrics are from Meet You There by Owl City

If we could sit together a moment and talk forever just to pass the time
I would smile as the shivers and chills run down my spine
As your eyes are locked on mine
We'll fill the metro sky with country eye.
And when you close your eyes I'll meet you there.

It's just so whimsical, it's disheartening.

Honestly now?

I don't think I can say I've lost faith yet but I think I'm close.

Can something like this honestly be that fragile? I mean you don't spend months on something you want just to deviate to another path. When you truly want something you simply don't decide to act on a whim and chase a brand new thing.

No, I'm not the one being hurt. But I know people who will be. To me it's really unfortunate though because I don't understand why people would even bother to get hurt by something so WHIMSICAL.

Ah, then again you probably don't even know what I'm talking about.

I hate being called things in which I think I'm not.

Did I ever mention awkwardness on my blog? I think I did.

I don't believe in it.

For everyone out there who think awkwardness results from things such as confessing to someone, well, quite frankly you're wrong.

It's simple. If the guy and girl both acknowledge that there should be no awkwardness between them, and they absolutely mean what they're saying, there won't be any. It's not hard.

I have proof.

Now, being an awkward person. I don't believe in that either. Unless someone's seriously weird and does... well awkward things around people. But other than that, it's all bullshit.

I guess that's it.

P.S. I still can't sing

Today's lyrics is from a very famous song, Don't Stop Believing by Journey

Just a small town girl

Livin' in a lonely world

She took the midnight train going anywhere

Just a city boy

Born and raised in south Detroit

He took the midnight train going anywhere

A singer in a smokey room

The smell of wine and cheap perfume

For a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on and on and on.

Clearly not competent enough.

I've failed. Again. Completely rejected. Again.

I couldn't take it anymore. I felt it before it even happened but I kept going on because I told myself it was nothing and this was sacrifice at its zenith.

But no, my legs completely rejected the strenuous effort I put in.

Let me start from the beginning.

Yesterday was Varsity Basketball tryouts. I decided to go with my friend, just to try, for the hell of it. I don't know what made me but I guess playing for a team and being able to play organized basketball for once was extremely intriguing.

The first couple of drills were easy, I screwed up a little bit but that was mostly because it was my first tryout. We did some three on three match-ups after.

That's when everything went downhill.

First off, my two teammates would not pass the ball. They were black; go figure.

I had ONE shot for three games, and that was a three pointer which I took, and swished in despite my teammate repeatedly telling me to pass the ball.

Then I felt a twinge in my calves. I knew I couldn't take it much longer but I hoped it would go away.

After, we did some free throw drills. Easy enough, I had rest for my calves. Everyone had to run sprints because they missed free throws. On my fourth one, I felt it. My calves gave up on me and completely cramped up. There wasn't much I could do except lay on the floor trying to deal with the pain. Thankfully my other friend happened to be there and stretched out my leg.

I was unable to move for a good ten to fifteen minutes. I dragged myself down to the locker room and I knew that my attempt for the Varsity team this year was over.

That was that, one and done. I was only there for the first day of tryouts, there were supposed to be two more left.

But I know I rather do something else. Sing, dance, whatever. I really want to do something involved with music.

I put music as a major on my PSAT scantron today anyways.

Maybe next year.

Today's lyrics are from Fireflies - Owl City. Man Owl City is amazing , I don't know how this guy comes up with these awesome songs. He writes about the most random thing!

You would not believe your eyes

If ten million fireflies

Lit up the world as I fell asleep

Cause they fill the open air

and leave teardrops everywhere

You'd think me rude but I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe that

Planet Earth turns slowly

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep

Cause everything is never as it seems

Cause I get a thousand hugs

From ten thousand lightning bugs

As they try to teach me how to dance

What exactly are friends?

Look, I envy all of you out there with these great amazing friends.

Throughout my life, I don't think I've ever established, really, being "best friends" with someone.

Maybe it's acknowledged now but never established.

Friends.

Sure, I have close friends. But at times one must stop to wonder, why are they close? Are they really close or do I just THINK they're close. Maybe they don't really care about you.

Yes, I see some of my friends as people I can trust. But at times I feel as if it's sketchy. Maybe it's just me and my ideal friendship's expectations just aren't met.

There's too much to list but I don't even know if I have friends that are worthwhile sometimes.

I've never received a Christmas present from a friend

I've never received a birthday present from a friend.

Matter of fact, now that I think of it, I've never received one in general.

No, I'm not asking for one. I honestly don't want anything, but I feel as if it would be a nice feeling in my heart if I had friends who actually cared enough to get something even if I don't want anything.

Yet has a friend done something for me that has touched my heart.

Friends.

Though I must admit, there is one friend who I miss dearly.

I really thought that, he or she, was truly a significant part of my life. And now, they're gone.

I feel like an asshole just thinking about what happened.

Friends.

Friendships are way too fragile. It's like a carton of eggs, if you don't handle it with care, it will break. It's quite unfortunate.

Arguments, revelations, disagreements, you name it. Anything can ruin a friendship.

How many times have you heard about a huge argument dividing friends?

How many times have you heard about the huge deal about "trust" dividing friends?

How many times have you heard about shit talking behind people's backs dividing friends?

How many times have you heard about a friend liking another close friend, and everything ends up in shambles, eventually resulting in a division of friends?

How many times have you heard about back stabbers?

Exactly. My point is made. All of these things are practically embedded in society nowadays.

It's disheartening, though, some of these things.

Friends.

Today's lyrics are from That's What Friends are For by Dionne Warwick and various artists.

And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you

And if I should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try to feel
The way we do today
And then if you can remember

Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for